Four Months

Yesterday we reached four months since our little girl was born and Angel. All day yesterday I sat and watched Daddy lay in bed with the Kittens sleeping in his arms I couldn't help but to think that it should of been you sleeping there. On the brighter side mommy had a lot of love and support from all her BLM friends that showed her that they will help me remember you always. I love having all my new friends because I know when I have a rough day they will be there for me :)... I love you Gabriella and Miss you so much... until we meet again Sleep well my Little Angel...

Mommy's 1st Really Good day

So this morning mommy Signed onto FaceBook Like I always do after you left. But Today was different Mommy actually felt good about things today. After posting my Status I read my Tarot card Which Validated the way I felt this morning, I thought it was really weird so I called Daddy who went to an Appt. and told Daddy, Daddy said that he had something similar happen to him this morning. I thought could this be a Sign? Well tonight Daddy had a job interview so mommy decided to go Sit with her Neighbor downstairs, Well little did Mommy know that it would lead to a "party" I had such a good time for the 1st time since you passed away. When mommy and Daddy finally decided to go home Mommy's Horoscope mentioned the "party". Now I know it was my Sign from you. I LOVE YOU GABRIELLA...

                                                  LOVE ALWAYS
                                                  MOMMY

What Is a Mother?

I seen one of my BLM friend's blog post about "What Makes a Mother?" I really started thinking about it!!! Am I any less of a Mother because my daughter didn't have a Chance to live??? I feel like a Mother I went through LABOR to deliver my daughter, Yes she was Stillborn but I carried her for 28 weeks 4 days she Lived in my body but according to the definition A Mother is as follows:

"~A mother can be a woman who conceives, births, and raises a child given to her by God. She is what we as a society see as a mother.

~A mother can be a young woman who finds herself pregnant, unable to parent, who chooses life for her child by placing him for adoption. In choosing life for her child she becomes a mother. She will not be that baby’s parent but she is his birth mother.

~A mother can be the one who prays for a baby she does not carry in her womb. She becomes the mother and parent to a child given in adoption. She is there in the night, in sickness, in health, in joy, and in sadness. She is her mother.

~A mother can be a woman who takes on the care of another’s children through foster care or guardianship. She gives her life to loving them. They see her as mother."

No where on there does it mention carrying a baby that you don't get to take home. SO BY DEFINITION I AM NOT A MOTHER?? COME ON I'M JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER  WOMEN WHO CARRIED A STILLBORN WE ARE MOTHERS TO ANGEL BABIES!!!!!

(thank you Cally for sharing the definition)

weekend in reality

Then Friday was baby and infant loss awareness day where everyone lit a candle in memory of babies that have gone to soon. Up until this year I had no idea about this day. There where so many candles lit and so many people helped me remember you I cried most of the day.

Thursday marked 3 months with out Gabriella it feels like just yesterday.

The Sign

While walking out my apartment door to get some air I seen the cutest sign from Gabriella. Today she sent me a baby bird. I ran inside to grab my camera and by the time i got back the baby bird was gone :(. About an hour later I went to check the mail and a small feather fell in my face. I Love you Gabriella Lynn

Gabriella on my Mind

I was unpacking today and came across some pictures, there where not just any pictures they where the last pictures of me pregnant with you. One of those pictures was taken on the morning that I found out you where an Angel... After looking at the pictures daddy and I where listening to some CDs and Selena's song "Bidi Bidi Bom Bom" came on Mommy cried because you alwzys "danced" to that song. today was rough I never ever thought I would lose you and yet I did... I miss you Gabriella

My heart is broken

This is my 1st blog about the loss of my daughter Gabriella. I lost my little girl due to placenta previa at 28 weeks 5 days. There has not been a day that has gone by that I dont think about that dredful day that the Dr told me "sorry but, the baby is gone." On Jan. 25th 2010 I found out I was pregnant. I was so joyful that I was gonna be a mommy. Me and my then fiance (we are now married) hurried home to tell his family, everyone was so happy for us. On Feb. 13th 2010 I married the love of my life Shane I'll never forget the look in his eye when I walked down the asile :) I felt so much love that day. On May 18th 2010 Shane and I found out we where having a baby girl we decided to name her Gabriella Lynn. I loved every moment of feeling my little girl kick me whe her daddy was around. on memorial day weekend I started bleeding, I was put in the hospital for 2 days with a tear in my cervix. Once released I was put on bedrest for 4 weeks I decided to stay on for 5 weeks just to be safe on July 8th I went to the Dr. little did I know It would be the last time I would hear my baby's heart beat. That day my dr. cleared me to go on vacation, the next day my husband and I left for IL. On July 13th I informed my husband that Gabriella had not been kicking me for 24 hours he rushed me to the er where they ran test and informed me that the baby had died. I was then refered to another hospital that would deliever me. On July 14th my Angel Gabriella came into the world. She was a beautiful combination of me and my husband. She weighed 2lbs 1oz and was 13.5 inches long. I'll always think of my baby girl Gabriella.

I love you Gabriella R.I.P my ANGEL